I don’t expect anymore to wake up one morning and see it all gone. I think it’s something I need to take care of every day.
Despite 7 years of therapy, I’m still suffering, recovering, healing, learning to be in my body, in my mind, to unlearn patterns, to manage anxiety, PTSD.
I’m in a place now where I’m learning to live my life where the centre is me. Understanding my needs and nurturing them, understanding which emotions I’m feeling, being in my body, being compassionate with myself. I’m in a place where I want to give myself everything. Care, love, compassion, play, joy, tears. I’m in a place where I want to feel my emotions, my body, my presence.
I still dissociate, get triggered, anxious, have sleepless nights, overgive, focus on others’ needs rather than mine, people please. But I want my life to be first of all mine. For 30 years my life was never mine or about me. And I want it! I want to have needs, love, emotions, desires, outbursts, anger, pain, joy, dreams, aspirations, boundaries. Because I was never allowed to have any of it. And now I’m learning to have them.
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