2 weeks ago
“Coming out of COVID I decided to own it. Instead of saying: ‘Nobody likes me,’ I flipped it around. I said: ‘There’s got to be a reason I haven’t met someone, and I’m going to figure it out.’ One of the first things I did was ask my fashionable friends: ‘How do I present to you?’ That’s when I learned my pants were baggy in the butt. That doesn’t seem like a huge deal. But first impressions matter. And if you present as the ‘baggy butt guy,’ that’s who you’re gonna be: the baggy butt guy. So I got some better-fitting pants. I never used to care about stuff like that. I thought: I’m a good person, that’s what matters most. And if someone hangs around long enough, they’ll figure that out. But nobody hung around long enough. And that sort of thinking made it easy to become a single guy in his late forties. So I owned it. I worked on making it easier for people to know me; so that it was more of a downstream experience. I practiced being chit chatty. I started saying hello to people more, looking them in the eye, asking: ‘How was your weekend?’ I went on a dozen or so first dates. I even kept an excel sheet; trying to figure out if there was a through line-- when things didn’t work out: how long before I followed up, how many days between the first and second date, things like that. The excel sheet was a little much, I’ll admit. And it turned out to not be necessary. I ended up meeting my girlfriend at a catering gig we worked together. And she had no problem swimming upstream. I guess I made a good impression. Because later she told me that the moment she saw me, she was sneaking pictures to her sister—saying that she’d met her future boyfriend. Last Friday we had a legit conversation. We said: ‘OK, we’re no longer saying we’re dating. We’re in a relationship.’ I’m trying to teach myself guitar at the moment. Because I’d love to have kids one day, I’m working toward that. And when that happens, I’d love to have some hobbies we can do together.”